I shouldn't be surprised. Every time there is an end in sight it gets ripped away from underneath me.
People say 'try and park it', it is out of your control, look at the positives. But I have planned the next two months. Holiday days I have needed to book off work, cancelled events close to the week as 4 days in Court was going to need every ounce of strength.
And Liam calls the shots. He is allowed to abuse us still, delaying the proceedings, causing U turns, all with the knowledge that it is stopping me move on with my life.
My thought process is:
- Do I just refuse. Refuse to attend Court. Refuse to play the game because I haven't anything left in me. Is the Court process so in
- Do I run away, although with cost of living zero savings (or credit card) to escape.
- Do I chain myself to a monument and go on a hunger strike (seriously I couldn't do it) so raise awareness
And I can't do anything but take it and carry on.
I have yet another cold, I am so overwrought and on the edge that I keep falling to the autumn germs. I feel like one more thing will tip me.
As I am representing myself I haven't even the buffer of my solicitor and I can tell my responses to the other Solicitors are getting increasingly terse, which isn't going to help me in Court. However the saving grace is that in the past I would have a mental calculator at every email ..... £150 + £150...and that would lead me to shop as I would think what is £50 Zara order when today has cost me £500.
As it stands Lola might be assessed tomorrow by an 'expert' and I still haven't told her as I don't want to worry her unnecessarily. I am caught in the trap of telling her so thinks about what she wants to say and not, because depending on her mood she can come out with anything - as I have witnessed.
And then I will have to play the waiting game. Waiting to see what she said, what the 'expert' has deemed fact after a 90 minute appointment.
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